NICU Awareness Month: Our Stories-Triplets

The air was cold, but my blood was boiling. I felt tired and weak. My mind was messy, but my scattered brain only had one goal. See my boys. I of course wanted to hold my boys, but per the many prep talks with the doctors, nurses, and other triplet moms, I knew I would not be able to do that even though I had made it to my 34 week goal. The squeaking of the hospital bed, my husband’s voice conversing with the nurse, and the sheer buzz of the corridor were faint background noises to the sound of my own heartbeat due to my nervousness. Somehow, whoever was doing the transporting was able to position me arms length away from each sweet boy as they were settling into their individual pods of the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). All three of them were content and sleeping when I saw them in those short seconds. I cried because I couldn’t hold them, but was happy because they looked so comfortable. As much as the health professionals tried to prepare me for this moment and the NICU weeks to follow, my heart was hurt by not being able to see and hold them whenever I wanted.

On the day of their birth, I honestly do not remember much after getting into my room. Watching my c-section and the boys entering the earthly world felt like some strange, recurring dream since my room was empty with no babies by my side. The next morning I was pushed to the NICU in a wheelchair. It hurt when I had to get up and scrub my hands to elbows for a timed 2 minutes, put on a gown, and bag my phone, which is mandatory before every entry. Each of my boys was in a separate pod (room), so I could not see them all at the same time.

I visited with Ace first. The nurse was actually feeding him via tube, by which she had to hold a tiny syringe up, so that it could drip down. He also had an oxygen cannula and an IV. I placed my hand on his small body and spoke to him so he would know I was there. The nurse gave me his update and assured me he was doing well. I decided to go see Bryce while I waited on Ace to finish his feeding. Bryce had just gotten fed, changed, and swaddled when I first got there. He was sleeping so the nurse laid him in my arms, carefully placing his tubes just so, in order to avoid getting them tangled on anything. His prognosis was even better than his brother’s. While I was visiting with Ace and Bryce, their dad was with Chance. He was able to hold him and said he had practiced his swaddling skills, which would need some work according to the nurse. I made it to Chance, but I didn’t have long before the medical staff’s shift change, when all the visitors had to leave. I didn’t hold him, but stroked his head and talked to him like he could understand every word. He kicked through the crappy swaddle job that dad did and I saw his teeny foot that had his IV in it. I cringed at the thought of my baby having to go through that. His nurse was comforting as she gave me the run down. As I was rolled back to my room, I cried because a) I was incredibly amazed and grateful by the fact that I had THREE healthy, beautiful new boys, and b) I didn’t know how to divide my time between them and I already felt guilty. Of course, as soon as I could, I went right back to hold Ace and Chance. The rotation of holding, feeding, and splitting my time began.

As it turns out though, after only a few days, they all upgraded to the pod for less acute care.  I had a lot less anxiety when I could be in the same room with all three of them and just knowing they were all together helped ease my mind. The fact that they were not having any major problems did not make my already known knowledge that I would be leaving the hospital without them any less difficult. I must stress the fact that the NICU nurses and doctors were very kind and tried to make me feel as comfortable as possible about leaving my children in their care. Regardless, my discharge day loomed in my mind like a storm cloud creating dark thoughts about leaving my babies in a hospital all “alone”. Simultaneously, I was missing my first born and wanted to go home to him. This did not help the mom guilt I was already feeling.

The week that followed was hard. I went everyday to see them, minus one day when I had two of the three home. I couldn’t stay longer than a few hours at a time. My 20 month old needed me too and he wasn’t allowed inside the NICU at all. Some days Dad and I would take him to the waiting room and switch out visiting the triplets.

Seven days after my discharge, Bryce was first to come home. Two days later, Ace joined him. Three days after that, Chance completed our family of six under one roof for the first time. They spent only 12, 14, and 17 days total in the unit. This is a short stay in comparison to most triplets. I met another triplet mom during our stay that was able to take her last one home after over two months. Additionally, I have a nephew that spent EIGHT months in NICU after he was born at 23 weeks gestation. He had multiple surgeries and fought hard, but he is such a blessing to our family, thanks to the professionals of this unit that saved his life. My personal journey was not fun, but it was easy in comparison. I know how devastating it could have been, because the majority of the infants admitted are there due to high risk complications. Some of the mothers I watched never got to take their babies home, and some of the babies I watched never had a single visitor. The NICU staff cares for all of them the same and I don’t believe I could do their job.

While September is Neonatal Intensive Care Unit Awareness month, it also happens to be the month of my triplets’ homecoming. Today, September 28th is NICU Staff Recognition Day. I admire and honor those that take care of the sweet angels that come through. They are more important than they probably realize because the NICU is an amazing, beautiful, and heartwarming place, yet somehow also gut wrenching, ugly, and heartbreaking. I am grateful for our short stay, the people I met, and the awareness I have of such an important unit of care. Cheers and thank you to those that perform this job day in and day out so that our children may have a life to live.