Managing Multiples
People say a lot of things when they see multiples, or really, just a lot of kids in general. For moms with multiples though, we hold a special bragging right by default and the higher number you have, the higher rank you receive from all of the other parents. These other parents have no clue what your parenting style may be, but because you juggle so many at once, you automatically become a “rockstar mom”. One of the things moms of multiples hear the most is, ‘how do you do it?’ and for me personally, this is taken as a rhetorical question most of the time, but every once in a while someone expects an actual answer.
My answer is usually dependent upon my mood. Generally, I just smile and say they are very good boys and they make it as easy as possible for their dear old mom. This is actually a very true statement. The triplets have been AMAZING pretty much since they were born. They cry more now at almost two years old, than they ever did when they were infants. The increase in crying has stemmed from stolen toys, falling down, not getting to go outside every time the door opens, and big brother playing a little too rough. And sure, there are just some random “bad” days. While I can not say the same for my three year old about the crying, he is now a generally happy kid too, just needier in some departments. So, I know how lucky I got with their easy going demeanor and I am so thankful for them.
Some days though, the difficulty of it all really gets under my skin and I answer with a little less enthusiasm. That answer looks more like an over exaggerated shoulder shrug, followed by a big gulp from my venti triple shot espresso beverage, completed with a fake smile and me handing the little blessings another snack, while I roll my eyes thinking what a stupid question that is. I’m not trying to be mean, I know people are just curious, but as good as my boys are, it is so difficult and I just don’t know what people expect me to say. The number of bodies makes what would normally be a small or easy thing, rather hard. The sheer fact that I am only one person with two hands and I have double the amount of toddlers on my own everyday is enough that just thinking about it is exhausting. Some moms will say, well my four kids are very close in age, so I know how you feel. Wrong, Karen! Have you ever had to make THREE bottles while shuffling around with a two year old clinging to your leg, who is having a complete meltdown because he can’t find Bobby the Iguanadon and he absolutely NEEDS all 20 of his complete set of dinosaurs at that very second, then you go to prop bottles for THREE infants, at which time the two year old forgets about stupid Bobby long enough to take the bottles out of his brothers’ mouths, making them then start crying and causing the bottles to roll underneath the couch getting the nipple(s) all disgusting, at which point you to have to change it or multiple nipples out, but by the time you do that and try to give them the new bottles, the THREE babies have crawled away, the milk is now cold and you have to warm them again while the FOUR are now all crying? No? That never happened to you?
It’s fine, I’m fine. (They don’t take bottles anymore so, really, I’m fine.) Most days it looks a lot better than that particular day. What I “do” is try to stick to our toddler boot camp routine as much as possible, only changing up what activities we do during “play” times. Our military type schedule is as follows: Breakfast, play, snack, play, lunch, nap, play, snack, play, dinner, bath/brush teeth, 20 minute wind down, bedtime. This is a basic day spent at home. Play times may consist of a wagon ride, coloring, or tv time. That is dependent on the weather and their general moods, but we try to change it up. I could go into a lot more detail, but that would be a whole topic on its own. The main thing is we eat, nap, bathe, and go to bed at the same time, every single day. For the most part. You know there are always exceptions to the rules, but majority of our days are VERY routine.
So after thinking about it a lot, there is really a most accurate answer to the common question and unfortunately it isn’t anything magical that gives me any rock star status. The answer is simply that I just do it. I may sound like a tired Nike slogan, but I literally have no choice in the matter. This is my normal. They are mine and taking care of them will always be my job. Whether I do it with a smile on my face or not, truly depends on the day, just like any other mom I suspect. I am fortunate to not need as much help as some, but trust me, I never turn down offered help. I am not too proud to admit that it is never easy. I have to feed, change, dress, bathe, clean up after, and hold four sweet boys all day, everyday. (Notice I didn’t even mention the mundane chores of an adult in general, such as laundry and dishes.) I have to teach them things, keep them safe, and address all of their personal needs/wants and it can be overwhelming with only one, so try to imagine four. For instance, a trip outside to the backyard requires me to put on four pairs of shoes and four hats, all while listening to their yelling because they can not wait to get out the door. If we are going to stay out for a while I have to put sunblock on four very squirmy toddlers. For every meal, I have to strap three in a highchair and still help them with their utensil usage, all while constantly getting up for more food/drinks and negotiating with big brother in order for him to just try anything on his plate. I have to change diapers times three and even though the three year old is potty trained, I’m still wiping his butt too. A visit to grandma’s looks like a week long camping trip, because it requires so much stuff. Really, going anywhere takes some work, because I have to secure each in a car seat and pack the bare minimum of diapers/wipes/outfit change/snacks and water for four. Loading and unloading multiple kids multiple times a day is quite an ordeal. Almost exhausting enough to make me never want to do it, but that would be worse for my mental health. Then there are some things I just literally can not do with them on my own at this age. It takes an adult per toddler for some of our outings, like the pool or the beach. Those seem expected you say? I can’t even walk down the street with them by myself, since I don’t have four hands to hold onto them and they are still too little to really understand the importance of listening to mom. Thus, they always have to be secured in a stroller or somehow contained, because I can’t run in four different directions. It is all hard, everything about it is just so hard. Nothing may ever be simple at the moment, but I have become acclimated to this fact and accept the daily grind for what it is: my incredible, wonderful, exceptionally and uniquely blessed life. It is one of a kind, as is any mother’s experience. That my friends is how I do it. Well, that and wine, boatloads of wine.
So, if you see me out with the four of them just tell me they are adorable, or hand me a bottle of wine, or clap, or laugh, or smile and keep on moving. Just don’t ask me how I do it, because the honest answer may be more or less than you really wanted to know… depending on the day.
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